In our era most people have a remarkably short attention span. I don’t see how anyone can rationally argue against that. Events that would have been considered major enough to dominate the news for months back in the day now get cycled into and out of the headlines in a few days or even a few hours. Given that fact, it’s a tribute to Osama bin Laden’s badness that he managed to capture headlines for almost a week just by getting killed. We seem to have collectively decided that he’s bad enough to bother bringing him up day after day just so we can be glad he’s gone. With that said, I offer the following tribute to Mr. Bin Laden from the annals of internet humor.
Osama makes his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington.
“How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!” yells Mr. Washington, slapping Osama in the face. Patrick Henry comes up from behind: “You wanted to end the Americans’ liberty, so they gave you death!” Henry punches Osama on the nose. James Madison comes up next, and says, “This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!” He drops a large weight on Osama’s knee.
Osama is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke, James Monroe and 65 other 18th-century American revolutionaries. As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged.
As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams, “This is not what I was promised!”
God replies: “I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I said?”
And Lame Pun Raccoon will have the last word.