When I was a child of roughly twelve years, a funny thing happened. A man named Newt became the Speaker of the House and the second most powerful person in the world. This was funny because, when I heard the word ‘newt’, I though of something like this:
However, the new Speaker of the House of Representatives did not look like that. Instead, he looked more like this:
While the amphibian newts were chiefly notable for laying eggs and leaving a trail of slime wherever they went, the new Newt seemed more inclined towards things like cutting money to disabled children, saying that women can’t fight in the military because they get infections, bringing back orphanages, and getting slightly corrupt book deals from Rupert Murdoch. I was just beginning to be aware of politics at that point, and over the next four years I watched this Newt lose a showdown with President Clinton over the federal budget, fail to pass a balanced budget amendment, call Hillary Clinton “bitch”, say that Bill Clinton was unfit to govern owning to commiting adultery, commit adultery, and finally resign in disgrace. Like most people, I heartily approved of the final item on this list. I did not want to see Newt Gingrich continuing as a powerful politician.
It did not occur to me that thirteen years later, the same Newt Gingrich would be the front-runner for the Republican nomination. Yet here he is, opening up a 30-point lead of Mitt Romney in Florida, according to the latest polls. It seems a safe bet that either one or the other of these guys will be the Republican nominee, and the nominee will have a good chance at being the next President. I say that as long as the GOP is reviving politicians from the 90’s, they should dig up Steve Forbes and have him run for President. He was highly amusing.